That's how I feel blogging right now after so much time has lapsed. Not because of any of you, although I'm not too sure anyone will even read this, anyway, but for myself. In all honesty, prior to remembering it was tied into my Gmail account, I was surprised that Blogger even remembered my info or didn't spontaneously combust upon login.
A lot has changed since my last post. Let's see...
Changed Churches
...we struggled finding the right fit, but a shipmate of Ben's invited us to his and we have found our home.
Changed Jobs
...in following God's leading, I now work at said church (and no longer write my newspaper column).
Changed Homes
...twice actually, but we are now in our first house and are loving it!
Changed Schools
...still pursuing my education online, however now I am going through Liberty University.
Changed Degrees
...switched from Math to Psychology.
Which brings me to more changes. I became pregnant around the time of my last post with a due date of April 15th, 2011. (I'll be honest that I am not in the right frame of mind to be going into too many details, although I am pretty open about it and love fielding questions.) The pregnancy alone was tough, especially once I was put on bedrest. About half way through, we found out we were having a girl and we named her Ashlyn Rose. Ashlyn, meaning dream. Seemed fitting for the child whose diagnosis was fatal. You see, she didn't have kidneys, and one thing we learned really quickly is that you have to have at least one of your kidneys in order to live. She was born at the 32-week mark and was absolutely beautiful! My husband and I were able to spend almost 2 hours with her before she went home to be with the Lord.
That was one year ago. February 21st.
You might wonder why I didn't blog about that until now and I have no answer, other than "I couldn't." Even now I'm somewhat hesitant. However Ben is deployed (our first), and I know I need to hold "it" together and thought of my previous blogging friends and the wisdom you've shared regarding your deployments and, well, life. I could use some of that wisdom right about now.
Oh my goodness girl I can understand why you haven't blogged lately honestly I haven't blogged in FOREVER either.. I know last year had to have been full of so many emotions I'm so sorry to hear about your little girl.
ReplyDeleteMy husbands getting ready to go on his first deployment in like 8 months. Its scary but keep your head up and stay strong.. I will keep you in my prayers girl...
I'm so encouraged by you courage in sharing! After three deployments, all I can say is don't be afraid of doing things that make you happy and take it a day at a time :)
ReplyDelete((hugs))
ReplyDeleteI haven't been where you are. But I've done the deployment thing several times. You take one day at a time. And when you can't do that, you take one hour at a time. Sometimes, it's just one minute at a time.
I'm so sorry for all you've been through.
I don't really have much advice for you, but your story touched my heart, and I'll be thinking of you tonight and sending thoughts of peace & love to you. I'm a submariner's wife in this great ol' Navy of ours.
ReplyDeleteLook for a childloss support group in your area. The base chaplain can help you find one. Keep busy. That's the only "get through deployment, survival is the main goal" advice I have. Oh, and that it is OK to break down and cry your eyes out sometimes. It can be cathartic. ::hugs::
Oh my goodness, hon! What I love most about blogging is there are no rules. You can blog as often or as little as you'd like. You can blog about what your decide to, when you decide to. Just know for the most part there is an AWESOME network of support to be found in this great big world of bloggers!
ReplyDeleteWe are on Deployment 3 (since we were married two years ago!) and I just had a major meltdown last night. This one seems lonlier and harder than the other two. It is different and in many ways a "bigger" deployment. I wrote about it here: http://deploymentplaylist.blogspot.com/2012/02/lack-of-black-rock-major-meltdown.html
Advice I would have for you as of today is never let someone tell you you should have it together. We are all allowed to breakdown from time to time, as long as we pull ourselves back up by the bootstraps and get ourselves back in the game. I've found great support in blogging and rely on these ladies to keep me in perspective. Always reach out for help if you need it, prayers when you are lost, and support from these amazing women here!
You can get through this hun. Thanks for finding my blog! Feel free to drop me a line if you ever need to (theyoungretiree@gmail.com). I'm pretty much always connected!
My husband has been through a few deployments, and we had several miscarriages (but nothing like what you experienced). The best thing I can say is feel however you want to. You are allowed to have lousy days where you don't want to get out of bed. There will be days that are pretty normal, where you'll be fine. Embrace the normal days, be sad when you need to be, and just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Find an outlet for yourself when you feel like you are drowning--whether it is blogging, talking to a fellow milspouse over coffee, a project, or prayer. Those people who ask if there's anything they can do? Use 'em. Make them mow your lawn, call them up for a chat, email them, anything. You can and will get through this.
ReplyDeleteWe are on our sixth deployment and are becoming old hats at this thing. But we ahve been in for over 23 years and have had many growing experiences to with those years. We lost baby #3 at eight weeks and it wasn't easy to deal with. I found ways to cope with it and made it through. We ended up expecting baby #5 while waiting for hubby to go on his second deployment. Then we almost lost him one month into the deployment. He was born three weeks early and things were fine. These deployments and loss have not been easy but we made it through them because we have stayed close to the Lord through prayer. It has been our only saving grace. We are part of a Sec Ops group and he isn't in a safe place right now. Prayer is the only thing that is keeping my mind at peace. I can totally understand why you haven't talked about this before. My prayers go out to you guys.
ReplyDelete{{{hugs}}}
Kathy
Navy Wife